4:13 am. Can’t sleep, finally have a secure internet to use so I go to Joshua Floyd’s facebook page to message him, find out how he is.
I wasn’t prepared for what I found.

Friends of his saying all these wonderful things and how they’re going to miss him and how hard it was tonight to say goodbye to him.
And no one told me.

I know it seems trivial, maybe selfish even. But I didn’t know until 4:13 am that on Memorial day, the man I love, the man who stole my heart, the man I promised I would wait for while he figured everything out, died in a motorcycle accident.
And all the plans we talked about, the future we wanted together, all of it’s just gone.

I loved that man more than anything in the world and I know a lot of people didn’t know about it. I know we kept it a secret because we wanted it to be between us. But I loved him so much. He was the one I dared to love me, the who when he met me the first thing he did was grab my hand and made me realise that he did care. He was the one who caught me when I fell, quite literally, and said he’d never let me go. That he would always be there to catch me when I fell, that I could trust him.
And I did. I told him my secrets and he kept them.

I remember one of the best nights of my life was sneaking into his house before he got home, and surprising him. I texted him saying it was lonely in his room and he texted back saying “Really? You’re here?” and before I could finish reading it he was in the door way. The smile on his face was worth more than diamonds and gold, more than any precious gem or money. It was worth more than anything to me. His smile could cure my darkest day, my worst moments. It could brighten any room and made the sun look like dark.

He killed spiders for me because he knew how scared of them I am. And I know that wasn’t easy for him because he had a fondness for them. But he did it because he loved me. And although he asked to take a step back, to deal with the trust issues he himself had, I promised I would wait for him.

And in a way, I’ll always be waiting for him.

I hope you find Peace where you are, Josh. And I’ll miss you every day of my life. I will never forget you and I will always love you. Always.

Love,
Megan ♥